All Choked Up

A query from my co-worker: "What happens when two collars race?"

I'm bad at jokes. Can't remember them, can't tell them well. And yet I've always loved to read the jokes off of Laffy Taffy wrappers--despite that their answers were often incomprehensible and entirely "un-guessable" because of the 2nd-grade logic applied to them. Why did the chicken cross the road? Because his friend invited him over to play X-Box. ??? Really?

I do have a point to this post, but you haven't met it yet . . . I was about to get on track except I find I have a little more to say on the subject of jokes. I owned two joke books as a kid--one was a peanut joke book, and one was something like 1001 Jokes For Kids. Which explains why the only jokes I can ever bring up on automatic recall deal with the legume family or nuns. I'd really like to add more to my repertoire, if you've got any clean ones handy.

My guess? "It was a neck-and-neck finish."

While Christmas shopping back in December, I added a gift to my own pile and bought myself a scarf--my first! Strangely enough, I've never owned a scarf before. Yes, I live in Alaska. Yes, I can knit and crochet. Yes, I know where the mall is. The day I first wore my new scarf to school was a bit chilly, so I kept it on after shucking my coat off. These are my observations:

1) The scarf kept my neck nice and toasty. It did its job so well, in fact, that the rest of my body felt chilly in comparison. Kind of ironic.

2) I felt strangely vulnerable to being choked. Any random person with a whim to throttle someone would find me easy pickings.

I love scarves now. They can warm you up, dress up an outfit, or introduce you to a new texture. They can be fun, functional, flirty, romantic, disguising, informative, or inspiring. I never knew neckwear could be so necessary and so terrific at the same time.

Real answer? "They ended in a tie."